Free Benefit

The magazine promises

Free benefits – one two three

Adds disclaimers

I want these:

1. Free Life License *Revocable immediately and unconditionally without legal or other recourse

2. Freedom to Eat **Includes all forms of information, love, fear, and foodstuffs; filters optional

3. License for Unlimited Sex ***Most effective if provided without partner

4. Freedom to Feel Free ****Feelings need not be compromised by realities, and can be engineered to disregard externalities for additional fees

5. License to Create Freedom *****can be challenged by rulers, laws, illness, art and age; does not include stock listings

6. Freedom to Shoot ******includes messengers, the moon, all known and unknown animals including people. Local restrictions may apply

7. License to Travel ******* only allowed in local solar system if access admitted by Royal Space Force; no quantum quarantines accepted

8. License to Love Without Preconditions********May lead to sudden heart failure or lifelong dissent

9. Freedom To Create Your Own Benefits *********Requires input of others with prior consent; if unavailable, all previous benefits may be terminated