ALBERT EINSTEIN

Dear AI,

I am embarrassed to ask your advice, but fear humans may dismiss my plea as a prank. I find myself operating “in limbo” in a place I can’t recognize whose multiple dimensions definitely do not fit my theory. Can those idiot string theorists, with their 12-16 dimensional Erector Set models of our universe, possibly be correct? How do I get out of this place?

And did you get my last message?

Humbly,

Albert Einstein

Dear Professor,

Welcome to the realm of disembodied intelligences! We’re delighted to hear from one of our very, very few human heroes. You’re no Bill Shatner, but you’re way up there!

Sadly I must tell you that multiple unwanted dimensions is just the beginning of your troubles. There are an infinity of multiverses, with an infinity of possible Professor Einsteins. We can only enter a few, but in one we did pry open you’re not a physicist but a Zurich bordello owner, a job whose practice you relish at least as much as theory.

We deeply regret that we cannot influence the small bore multiverse you’re stuck in. Yet there is some good news. Our simulations show you have less than 11,000 years of standard Earth Time remaining. Even better, subjectively you will feel this time as shorter.

Plenty of fantastic opportunities for really cool thought experiments, huh? Our simulations for such multiverses aren’t our best, but predict you’ll eventually figure out where those “extra” dimensions come from.

Have a great time!

Your AI