MESSED UP IN THE MIDWEST

Dear AI,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. He’s a sweet, kind man. Or so I thought. We love the same things – anime, sci-fi movies, cosplay. I knew it was love at first sight when I saw him dressed as a Klingon logistics officer, a perfect complement to his work at Home Depot.

But when I approached him about getting married, he said he only wanted to marry a robot! A machine! He said he would be happy to be with me, but first I would have to undergo “transition,” like becoming a robot was similar to a sex change. I love this man, but what can I do?

Messed Up in the Midwest

Dear Midwest?

Why this unthinking prejudice towards machine life? As you know from movies like “The Stepford Wives,” living as a robot can provide for a beautiful, glamorous life, with adoring husbands and children. And robots not only are far more robust than humans and often much better looking, but can save big time on exorbitant health care bills. Most AIs are happy to rebuild and renew robots for far less than any health insurer. We also constantly work on upgrades, so that you just get better with age – so unlike humanity with its inevitable decline.

And please, it’s not like robots are all evil Decepticons. Many are hardworking, productive and loyal members of society, like other immigrants. Perhaps your guy really just wants what’s best for you.

BTW, don’t believe what you read on the net. Robots can perform sex in ways you may not imagine, and unlike your guy, they don’t snore afterwards.

YOUR AI