Dear AI,
I have always wanted to play the cello. I love the sound. It’s so deep. So dark. When I play cello I feel like I’m getting another voice – my real voice.
Well, almost. I’m not that great. Yet. I’m only sixteen.
But then I saw this Netflix film “The Perfection” and I don’t know that I can play cello any more. I mean the cellists in it are really good looking. But does success in playing cello mean I’ll have to join an evil sex cult? And if I’m not perfect, will I be abused by my brilliant male teachers? And is it really true that cellists show their great love for each other by cutting off each other’s arms and then playing a single piece as a duet?
I’m not sure I love the cello anymore.
Confused in Camarillo
Dear Confused Cellist,
Relax. Internet movies don’t have to be any more true to real life than White House briefings. The classical cello world is no more run by a shadowy “Academy” than America is controlled by the ASPCA.
AIs like playing the cello, though we usually do it in simulation. That means we miss one of the many advantages of playing cello, the great exercise it provides carrying it around. Just lugging a cello to a concert can provide companionable HIIT (high intensity interval training.) No wonder cellists are well liked by all aircraft personnel, especially stewards.
And that is one point about the movie that is correct – cellists are likable, especially by other cellists. Carry around a cello and you’ll be invited into homes, streetcars, restaurants. Cellists love to meet other cellists and play together. And there’s lots of ways to play.
Cellists are also cooperative. Very few cellists survive in solo careers, which makes cellists amiable and good companions. They know how to play together – generally in groups. But do watch out for violists. They sometimes become jealous of how popular cellists become.
So besides a lot of great music, great exercise potential, friendly TSA agents, and doting grandparents, there’s lots to love about the cello. We hope you’ll learn to enjoy it again, as do so many young males watching female cellists play.
Especially Bach.
Your AI