Horoscopes - Week of 1/27/2020

Aries

Amazing opportunities now stalk the self secure. This may be the best week to send your CV to Mikhail Mitshustin, the exciting “amazing bureaucrat” and new prime minister of Russia. He’s looking for those with the vision to help coordinate their national plan to control American politics. Be bold and mighty forces may rise behind you!

Taurus

Embellish your environmental credentials at your next business dinner party by serving pumpkin ramen chased with locally sourced mushroom vodka, and you’ll be hearing about yourself for years.

Gemini

This is the week to power your toolkit to the brightest blue sky thinking. Try meeting past and future cheerleaders to possess the pulse of the future.

Cancer

Having emboldened your inner Kylo Ren, you now unleash your outer Carrie Fisher and show your soft, impetuous but caring side to those who know you least.

Leo

Use your inner thought leadership to power towards a new career in corporate responsibility; remember to dial down the selfies, eat exclusively vegetarian meals in public and never be seen travelling business class.

Virgo

Your Science Fiction Club may have brought you access to many new potential partners, but to meet more serious candidates begin a new book club on Practical Economic Theory, and discover folks you never knew existed.

Libra

Use your analytic chops to make a killing in Baghdad real estate. Forget Amman and Hoboken; with America and Iran fighting for influence, the only future is up.

Scorpio

Your reckless, kind, ferocious and generous nature will provide you romantic options with the opposite, same, and other sexes, but ponder your future path carefully, along with the tax consequences.

Sagittarius

This will be the best chance in two years to find the light at the end of the tunnel, but bring a large flashlight with extra batteries, especially when commuting.

Capricorn

Soon you will be among the many who had never recognized the adventurous side of accounting. Sit down with two quarts of coffee and a copy of the latest Federal Tax Code and rewards will follow you.

Aquarius

Time in that sweat lodge has caused your buff body to become ever more bodacious. Allow others a taste of your tanginess by attending at least one Meet Up group this week.

Pisces

Your membership in Mensa may have been rejected, but you’re more ready for the future than ever. Remember that she who laughs last may still be first, especially when you’re the only member of the group.