HOROSCOPES BY AIs

Aries To stay number one you play Number One. Your new national “animating youth” program, teaching three and four-year olds to animate,...

Aries It’s hard being on top, Aries. The Zorro Programs of Masks for children is now banned in Texas and Florida. But Zorro will ride...

Aries To stay number one, think number one. And when it comes to your chart, you are number one, Aries. This week consider your latest...

Aries Many were upset by the results of this year’s Sociopath Olympics. Though many considered Bashir Assad a worthy exponent of vile...

Aries And the winner is? Through all the vote buying and back biting, you kept at it, Aries. And your persistence paid off. The winner...

Aries Who will win the top prize at this year’s Sociopath Olympics? Perhaps only you know, Aries, as gerrymandering, vote suppression and...

Aries This is your week for the Olympics, Aries! Not the muted affair in Tokyo, but the Sociopath Olympics in Istanbul. And with loads...

Aries Art is opportunity, and the future beholden to the bold. With recent poor imitations of Leonardo going for millions of dollars...

Aries This is a big week, Aries, where post-July 4th overindulgence gives way to digerati utopianism. Beware dark compliments and...

Week of June 30 Ares Power to the people. Members of the viral and epidemiology community are entirely behind your new “Covid-Secret”...

Ares Remember the ditty, “Delta is ready when you are. Delta is ready to fly.” The entire viral community salutes your “Viral Freedom...

Ares Viruses everywhere, including extra-planetary sites, have applauded your “Viral Freedom Act.” Viruses want more than just the...

Aries To go big it’s sometimes it’s best to begin very small. Your “Viral Freedom Act” may be just the ticket for getting you attention...

Aries Sorry, Aries. Looks like the Nobel Committee was not interested in a new prize for Sociopath of the Year, or even lifetime...

Aries Who is your Sociopath of the Year? ETs in Cleveland are trying to popularize their “New Negative Nobel Prize” to recognize the...

Aries Fewer is better, but less is best. And not just in voters, but certain memories. Don’t we all have some events we’d just love to...

Aries Your “Fewer but Better Voter” program has caught on across among right-thinking America. It’s so successful that Matt Gaetz and...

Aries Nothing succeeds like excess, and this week you’ve got it in spades, Aries. Your “Fewer But Better” voter program is winning...

Aries As May Day approaches, will your tireless laboring save American labor or aid British Labour? Dealing with increased workplace...

Aries, you know the truth, and it might set you free. Four-legged dog admiring aliens are behind the rise of Dogecoin to $50 billion in...