Aries
Your bold and brilliant moves are so exciting you will be tempted to declare yourself a separate zipcode. But restrain your ambitions for a while: others, including the White House, have precedence.
Taurus
Perturbations in the Force will leave the prices of some luxury goods reeling. Hold your consumer fire until the end of this precarious year.
Gemini
The holidays should allow the buzzing, effervescent parts of your personality full reign. This week will represent special opportunities to meet new people in your life, particularly in car parks and bowling alleys.
Cancer
Your intuitive grasp of markets and people will have great relevance this week. A clash of dark energy forces in the galaxy’s gamma sector will allow you to go long Southeast Asian bonds, but only for a short time.
Leo
You were always head of the pack, but this week others you care about deeply will finally acknowledge your lead. Be magnanimous in their acceptance of your outright superiority.
Virgo
Your quest for the perfect household will run into problems brought about by Jupiter’s penetration by a vast neutrino horde. Recognize that perfection can be the enemy of the good – and you are good. Really good.
Libra
This week you will recognize the importance of art in your life, so much that you wish your life to be art itself. You will discover new freedom in your relationships, which can now become fodder for screenplays and multiplayer video games you will muse upon.
Scorpio
Changes in the dark energy-dark matter balance in the gamma sector will lead you to scorching declarations of passion. If these prove too heated for those you love, declare them to dogs, or preferably cats – the latter will understand best.
Sagittarius
Your attempts to save the world will run into roadblocks this week. Settle instead for brief adventures in otherwise unsavory parts of your hometown, where holiday cheer will provide you surprising access to leading edge lifestyles.
Capricorn
Your attempts to have your reasonable requests for recognition acknowledged may not do well in the coming seven days. Instead, attempt for lonelier pursuits, studying social media for the secrets of meteoric financial success. Eat Cheerios for greater inner balance in trying times.
Aquarius
The vile attempt of Thanos to effect galactic genocide will continue to scar your life. During the coming of Christmas focus on channeling your inner Kylo Ren.
You may be amazed by the changes you see, but resist attempts to buy a new wardrobe; tight rubber suits may not work in your workplace.
Pisces
Your desire to amuse and please others will be severely tested this week. Use great Mafia movies as a guide to future actions but eschew the Godfather trilogy. Emphasize instead Married to the Mob and Goodfellas for the life lessons they teach.