Horoscopes - Week of 3/15/2020

Aries

Your media moment as practical visionary will this week test the heights of your personal apotheosis. A piece you will write on the Dunning Kruger Effect, where competent people feel unsure and the ignorant experience boundless confidence, may soon get attention at the highest reaches of the Administration. Who says politics can’t be practical?

Taurus

It’s time to soldier onward, Taurus. A collapsing black hole in the Gamma Sector will provide you new opportunities in branding and marketing. Designer medical masks may be done, but your new ideas for biologically inflected snowgear may win you new proponents in the very, very far north.

Gemini

As markets and quasars collide, you will feel an indefinable itch to go boldly where others fear to tread. Resist. This is not the time to go long on cruise lines or travel luggage companies. Study the Force as a guide to future business opportunities and Obi Wan Kenobi will not disappoint you.

Cancer

Last week was not your best, but the coming week will prove an enticing improvement. Emphasizing new pairings of food and friends – lemon mushroom vodka with your insufferable wine snob work colleague – and unexpected opportunities may arise.

Leo

Your understanding of the fate of nations will finally receive unheralded recognition this week. Recognizing that pardoning white collar criminals opens up great talent for combating the Covid-19 epidemic – Mike Milken providing advice on how to calm markets, Bernard Kerik on how to police epidemics in urban hotspots – gains you new adherents and kudos.

Virgo

Many planets may be crowding into your sector this week, but do not be alarmed. Unusual powers from beyond the galaxy will spark major changes in television binge watching. Let your friends know that it is indeed worthwhile to avoid the Ides of March, even if Brutus has not yet been resurrected by genetic technology.

Libra

A great capacity to connect will gain you new opportunities this week as you read Dale Carnegie and acknowledge ancient and untapped powers. Take the chance to make Ten New Friends each evening by attending the one local bar sporting negative pressure ventilation.

Scorpio

Your planned Japanese anime reboot of “Friends” may not win you the market you crave in South Korea, but may still provide new romantic opportunities throughout southeast Asia. Singapore shrimp may never taste sweeter than they do this week.

Sagittarius

Your house of fame is climbing into the apartment of ill-repute, while transforming Pluto tries boldly to escape an interstellar asteroid. Stand fast, and you may yet complete your annoying work project at a reasonable deadline.

Capricorn

Last week was not your best effort, but coming days will provide new options in unexpected places, including dollar stores and dying fashion malls. Looking into the basement of your soul with a hard hat and super bright flashlight will provide new insights into how your family has made you you, opening up new visions of talent to your wife and work supervisors.

Aquarius

Last week was a bit of patch up as the threesome you expected morphed into a foursome and then a reluctant mob confronting a disaffected crowd. But your time of walking on broken glass is over, as your resilience allows you to construct bigger, waterproof new boots that will safely see you through the oncoming muddy waters.

Pisces

Your blogs on the advantages of aloneness are attracting you new fans in social media, especially Meet-Ups. Tread lightly on the romantic possibilities, but remember that loneliness offers extraordinary marketing possibilities in times of viral uncertainty.