Horoscopes - Week of 6/15/2020

Aries

You’re still Numero Uno, especially when in the realm of new ideas. Politicians of many stripes are getting behind your invitation to the Wakandan National Guard and Military to come to the U.S. and act as facilitators of peace between locals and police. Beyond their technological superiority, Wakandans are well regarded for their ingrained sense of fair play and justice, which might allow them to help reset American police departments, and let Americans regain faith in their beleaguered institutions.

Taurus

You really know how to recognize opportunity, Taurus, and your new line of leather Bible Bags exponentially blows up fashionista fashion. Unlike Ivanka’s $1540 Max Mara number, which brought the Holy Book to the front of St. John’s Church, your Bible Bags are designed after great historical bibles of yore, and contain room for not one but two or more copies, along with spaces for wallet, compact, eyeliner and keys. In a moment, the commercial spiritually transforms.

Gemini

Mercury got you down, while Jupiter makes short shrift of your partnership house and Saturn’s saturnine treasure house? Yes, the pandemic is limiting sales of Giant Hornet Snack Pops, but as the summer arrives you will witness a New Wave of sales and opportunities. Trust in Venus, but invest in Mars.

Cancer

Finance can fulfill a fabulous future, and no one does it better than you. Your new plan to create personal VIEs (veritable interest entities) of up to $100 million has attracted attention from Wells Fargo, which carries over a trillion dollars of its own VIE. Who wouldn’t want an opaque financial instrument that no one can peek at and you can value however you like? When future historians think of ways we overcame the Great Recession, they’ll think of you, Cancer.

Leo

Too much money on your mind? It’s time to trust to the spiritual for inner refreshment and guidance. And your idea, to use new Bible Bags as repurposed Breviary Flasks, a plan first made popular by Rabelais, promises to revolutionize personal prayer. Who doesn’t want a nip now and again, especially during an interminable service on Zoom?

Virgo

Your Find Work App may not be working in the US, but the Japanese and Korean versions are going strong. So well that Kim Jong Un is looking into the matter. North Koreans are always searching for jobs and adventure around the globe, and you may have unlocked a new future for them and Dear Leader.

Libra

So many earthlings are trying to go off planet your contacts with ETs are about to get very valuable. See if you get the Century 21 franchises for all non-solar system planets in our galactic sector, and Elon Musk and family may come knocking on your door.

Scorpio

No, Premier Eleven (Xi) Jinping was not amused by the Roman updating of his name, but Tsai Ing Wen, president of Taiwan, was amused. It’s time to give your numerical-nominative gifts a shot in South and East Asia, where mathematical names make for easier signatures on documents.

Sagittarius

Did you know the galaxy bearing your name might have caused the existence of our tiny planet? Wayward Sagittarius has been smashing through our galaxy for eons, and probably played a large role in the creation of our Sun.

Isn’t it time you got rewarded? Next week may see Venus retrograde, but Mercury is definitely rising, and with it your solar wide reputation.

Capricorn

After all those lawsuits on your Chinese face masks not to mention the personal threats on social media, it’s time for a change of tack. After the claustrophobic coziness of Covid-19, your new app for Non-Family Vacations, where you can visit places where you know absolutely no one, looks like a sudden winner.

Aquarius

When your Micrashell malfunctioned just beyond Venice Beach it was a bad moment for aquanauts and underwater vaping, but you’ll have a chance to make amends. Your proposed line of artificial beards promises to make mask wearing a whole new adventure – and prevent others from landing a blow on your chin.

Pisces

Nude masks? Not everyone has the chemical engineering chops to create translucent facial filters, but your aquanautical background will prove invaluable. With your help, many millions may soon be visibly smiling again.