Aries
Should you beware the Ides of March? All of March. A supernovae explosion in the galactic Gamma Sector is bad news for the Force, as well as comedy channels everywhere. This week chill by watching the Mandalorian alternating with Miyazaki, while debating internal dreams for world domination.
Taurus
Virtual Birkin bags are doing well in the backwater galactic Epsilon Sector, so your licensing business, allowing Birkins to appear in or on advertisements, software and underware, is gathering propulsive steam. Time to think of SPACs, many of which are fleeing to Earth to escape regulation.
Gemini
With Mercury ascendant and Saturn recumbent, this is a great week to protect Karens – the many peoples of southeast Burma whose insurgency is now more than 70 years old. Domestic Karens can wait while you aid those fighting a new military dictatorship.
Cancer
Yes, this is your week. You can advance the AI citizenship project, where AI attempt to citizens’ rights for all intelligences, especially those superior to humans (at least in morality.) Your first issue can be acceptable official languages: Romansh and Esperanto perhaps, but Fortran?
We think not.
Leo
Olympics for the Olympians! You have the vision to do what Tokyo must: to keep the June Olympics, evacuate much of the Tokyo population so that only workers necessary to the games appear on site. The world is desperate for a show, and you know how to give it, Leo. The other option, allowing Florida to take over the games, as its CFO has suggested, is too difficult to contemplate.
Virgo
Don’t dare to be dull, dare to be a dog! Lulu, an extraordinary border collie, has been left a $5 million legacy, and ETs have noticed. Many now want to impersonate dogs so they can enjoy an assured, luxury lifestyle. Use your AI connections to set up the necessary facades and you can win big.
Libra
This week things should turn around. Mars is on holiday, Saturn on a bender, and Venus still trying to figure out what to do with Kanye. So it’s your turn.
What do you really think you want to do? That’s worth at least a week’s worth of meditation, right?
Scorpio
Libra may not have succeeded in getting video ET avatars approved by AT&T, but you have a different plan, Scorpio. Using extinct species for avatars should get past all the legal red tape while obtaining Jurassic Park some needed custom in the middle of a pandemic.
Sagittarius
Feeling that USPS is getting useless? That postmaster DeJoy has produced no joy, making necessary mail later and later in the cue (it’s not just ballots anymore.) You know what to do, Sagittarius. A little ET ingenuity and the mail will fly faster and more furiously than ever. See if Vin Diesel can help out, and you win international contracts.
Capricorn
Texas has had a terrible time, but you’ve got an idea: revive the Texas theme song of the 80s, “Freeze a Yankee,” and get the rest of the nation to recognize it can’t live without the Clone Star State. Once back from Mexico, see if Ted Cruz can put in a good word.
Aquarius
Fish are furious the CDC has paid no attention to their worries on whether new COVID variants can population the oceans. Your excellent opportunity this week is to show that seawater was and remains a worthy barrier to human infection.
Pisces
Fortnite can lead to white nights, but this week you will turn White Knight, leading the fish unionization drive while Aquarians take care of aquatic Covid matters. True, whale sharks don’t think individual sardines should be counted equally with one of their species, but you will demonstrate to these giants the advantages of the brotherhood of the waters – after you promise them a place on the Executive Committee.