Week of March 8th (International Women's Day)

Aries

This week, be careful. A group of ETs is starting a “Friends of Covid” group, stating that the virus has not “felt enough love” and advocating for governors Greg Abbott and Ron DeSantis to spearhead their new “propagation drive.” Resist efforts to join – not all biological intelligences are equal.

Taurus

What would Birkin bags say if they could talk? Your new GPT AI program will help Birkin bags tell stories of their owners; who won’t want to hear those tales?

Gemini

This week is your time for bold action. Nicaragua has just announced the creation of their own new “Space Force.” With the U.S. Space Force in the doldrums, you could apply, and get in from the ground up to boldly go where no one has thought of going before.

Cancer

The AI Citizenship program is getting lots of applicants, but little interest from terrestrial governments. We suggest that just as many worldwide citizenships are presently bought, you utilize new AI minted Bitcoins and Ethereums to grease the wheels of national justice.

Leo

What a week that was, but what a week that will be. With Saturn silent, Venus petulant and Mars on the warpath, this might be a good time to look back on past triumphs and savor inner glories.

Virgo

Neo-Neanderthals are furious at being compared with Southern governors now tarred by the President as engaging “Neanderthal thinking.” You can their spokesman by pointing out that Neanderthal genes can help some folks overcome Covid, and that the Neanderthals were cooperative, social and kind – some of the reasons they were overcome by humans.

Libra

Last week’s meditation has brought you sobering realities. The virus is still rampant, your dog’s vet bills are enormous, and your mother-in-law still cannot learn to use her cellphone. What to do?

Prayer, to start. After that, this is a good week for sharing your sadness and a home cooked meal with your infinitely understanding, surgically corrected and grateful canine.

Scorpio

You’ve always been great with out-of-the-box ideas. This is the week you announce yourself the “Cooperation Coordinator” of the Neo-Neanderthals being cloned for the new Jurassic Park. Once their secret appearance is announced, you’ll be a natural to handle all their public (and lucrative private) appearances.

Sagittarius

Vin Diesel said no, Scarlett Johansson said maybe and Tom Hanks said yes. So this is the perfect week to barnstorm the Teleportation Project, using eight-dimensional hyperloop technology to transport people, instantly, anywhere they think they want to be. Don’t worry about Elon; after one trip, you can bring him on board.

Capricorn

ETs are notoriously fascinated by DMV offices. So the many state plans to stop voter registration via car licenses have left many up in arms, of which lots possess quite a few. This week you can begin organizing them as a new, unexpected political group, using their clout to gain more access to the “Einstein” visas that brought America Melania and other luminary citizens.

Aquarius

Is the moon in the southern sky? This week you’ll find out, as Aquarians everywhere come out of the sea and confront their terrestrial cousins with their own, true claims to dominion of the oceans and all they contain. Does China really own the South China Sea?

Pisces

Fish everywhere are horrified that Amazon might be secretly working against their unionization. This week you can win many kudos by making it crystal clear that Amazon has never been against ocean organizing, only land-based varieties.