Week of October 12 (October Surprises)

Aries

Life has demanded much of you, but fate will soon demand more.

Refuse the bill. If fate illegally sends a collection agency, follow the way of the president and declare bankruptcy.

If necessary, repeat.

Taurus

Now that Tiffany is back in play, do you want to play? LVMH does not want to spend $17 billion on damaged goods. But your experience with used Birkin bags tell you differently.

Remember, quality outlasts quantity. Well, most of the time.

Gemini

Now that you’ve fixed your mother-in-law’s computer, anything is possible. (Just watch the news.) This week might prove your best chance for a new romantic encounter, terrestrial, extra-terrestrial, or virtual.

No, you don’t get to pick.

Cancer

Dominate, control, overwhelm. No, it’s not a debate, it’s just your life, Cancer. Now is the time to master the universe; then you might master yourself.

Your spouse will be happy to help.

Leo

Your idea to sell hurricane and tropical storm naming rights has great merit. Government needs the money, and the University of Miami Hurricanes football team needs an end to both plague and climate change. So you've got this one, Leo. Who won’t love “Tropical Storm Miracle Spot Cleaner?”

Virgo

You’re an innovator, and the chaos of daily life provides you new opportunities. We propose you merchandise the “Ion Aliman” award for general worthiness. Aliman was reelected mayor of Romanian village Deveselu ten days after dying of Covid-19.

Your award will tell people what so many want to hear: death is not the end.

Libra

Can your growing inner superpowers overcome debt, disability, and distemper? With the astral increase of your tenth house of power, strength, and financial success, and the intercession of Lincoln-Mercury, you’re about to find out.

Let’s hope that the stimulus bill gets passed fast.

Scorpio

Rising or falling, you always know where to land, Scorpio. That’s why your new astrological local map service should prove a winner. Who knew that Main Street was ruled by reclining Venus, and Gold Street by ascending Saturn? As any real estate salesman can tell you, it’s location, location, location.

And love.

Sagittarius

Not all revolutions succeed but revelations rarely fail to find believers. And you’re an originator, Sagittarius. As Shakespeare almost wrote in Macbeth, “to thine own class be true. And it shall follow, as the very next depression, thou canst not be false to revolution.”

Your followers await you.

Capricorn

This week is Saturn your teacher, or is it Mars? Or will a series of auspicious conjunctions, begun by a fusing of pulsars in the historic galactic Delta sector, augur possible greatness?

When the planets want to shake up the Earth, you need to right kind of support. This is a great week to eat mushroom pizza, with plentiful lemon pepper vodka on the side.

Aquarius

This doesn’t look like an easy week. The world is in turmoil, your mother-in-law is anxious about your job, and Warrior Mars is helping your work rivals rush to the warpath.

Change happens for a reason. Prepare yourself.

Pisces

Do burgeoning full moons promote lunacy or really superb Chinese poetry? Don’t let yourself become intimidated by a simple satellite, let alone rambunctious planets. Resourcefulness, humor, kindness, resignation and adaptability to change will all help you survive that long-planned family dinner this weekend.