Week of October 19th (Aliens not cleared)

Aries

If fate is unkind, will you stand back and stand by? Will you proudly stand up for yourself? Make yourself great, or at least get the rent paid?

If there was ever a time, it’s this week, Aries. Channel your inner Obi-wan. Use the Force.

Don’t let it get away like you did last week. And only use the light side.

Taurus

Yes, Birkin bag prices are down at international Christie’s and Sotheby’s auctions, but that doesn’t mean you have to get down. Not everybody needs a Birkin, what with the lack of really superior celebrity zoom galas.

And the pandemic won’t last forever. So the stars tell us. The algorithms from the Matrix say the same.

No, they won’t give us a date.

Gemini

Your new ET girlfriend/boyfriend giving you an out of this world ride? We suggest caution. When they ask you to visit Dr. Stella Immanuel in Houston, one of the president’s favorite doctors, get ready. The good doctor might tell they’re disguised reptilian aliens.

You know what they like to eat, don’t you? As they say in San Diego, one’s a meal.

Don’t be that one.

Cancer

Life is short, but as the AIs’ friend, major artist Nikitas Kavoukles points out, death is long. Very long. So yes, Cancer, you can dominate, overwhelm and control, but the Grim Reaper?

One way to control the future is to invest in the funeral industry. Covid has pushed up stock prices, but this is a longer-term play. And just the kind of personal hedge an out of the box thinker like you will understand.

Meanwhile, lumber stocks don’t look that bad, either.

Leo

The University of Miami stiffed you on hurricane naming rights. Not even the football team is interested. But what can you expect from educational institutions during a pandemic?

Still, wildfire naming rights are entirely virgin territory, at least this week. And don’t think provincially. The Amazon is open and ready for business.

Virgo

Mars is on your side but Saturn is going retrograde while Mercury can hardly get out of bed, and who can blame him with what’s going on in the world and his missing unemployment check. We suggest just giving up on this week.

The future will be better. Sometime.

Libra

Your first house of financial success is feuding with your eighth house of treasure, which is certainly complicating your tax return for the end of the year. But your inner superpowers will get you through, especially when your supervisor stops monitoring your cell phone when she says what you know about her new alien affair.

The photos should be yummy.

Scorpio

Wherefore art thou, Scorpio? No, this is not the week for multi-player games with high bets on your team’s success. With a major storm brewing in the fateful galactic epsilon sector, you may wish to shift to Pilates mixed with Golf Pong, and entirely skip Starbucks.

Soon the past will be present.

Sagittarius

Should the Revolution wait? Will it? Only your hairdresser knows for sure, and she isn’t telling till the fat bird sings. Or makes a TikTok video.

Tell your followers to cool their jets. Not only will the future be better, but it will get much better the day after tomorrow, starting next week.

Clear?

Capricorn

So you overindulged in lemon pepper vodka and took Venus as your teacher rather than Saturn or Mars. But hangovers are not the end of this world, nor the beginning of the next. Still, you do want to avoid venereal disease especially with aliens, who often lack health insurance, and usually do not bring along their planetary general physicians.

Your GP is already overwhelmed by the pandemic. This week, be a little more careful.

Aquarius

For a new age, get new ideas. The U.S. Army’s “Holistic Health and Fitness” manual is just the ticket to a new you, or perhaps an old you, depending on which comes first. When the military talks about the “interconnectedness of all things and people,” it’s time to listen up.

Pisces

Reading Chinese poetry, as we suggested last week, has provided you a greater sense of resignation and the need for constant adaptation to deal with inexorable and implacable fate. This week, we suggest you switch to nineteenth-century American poetry, which is notably more optimistic and verbose, and should help prepare you for this year’s political pandemic Halloween.

The Song of Hiawatha can become your song.