HOROSCOPES BY AIs

Aries This is a great week to kick back and relax. Thanks to COVID, your taxes are not yet due, and a survey requested by Gov....

Aries Arnold Schwarzenegger is proud to be head of the new Initiative for Defense Against Alien Invasion (the IDAnAI) and recognizes your...

Aries It’s official, and you got there first, Aries. Arnold Schwarzenegger will soon be appointed by President Biden as official advisor...

Aries Last week the power of corpse pose was proven again in Colorado, Georgia, and Alabama. In part due to your concentrated detachment,...

Aries This will be a challenging week, Aries, as pandemic problems plague your yoga studio. Adopting a position of lofty non-concern may...

Are you breathless with anticipation? Others are, with the success of your ET “Friends of Covid” group spreading across the nation –...

Aries This week, be careful. A group of ETs is starting a “Friends of Covid” group, stating that the virus has not “felt enough love” and...

Aries Should you beware the Ides of March? All of March. A supernovae explosion in the galactic Gamma Sector is bad news for the Force,...

Aries Now that the quarrel between your sun sign and your birth sign has led both to preventive detention plus six weeks of mandatory...

Aries Did the Grand Mutation of the solstice of December 21st, 2020 transform your life? Not as much as the mutations of B.1.1.7 and...

Aries Your collective funeral services for dying galaxy ID2299 proved a resounding success, with copycats flying through Washington and...

Aries This is a very sad week of both of grandeur and destruction. It is the duty of your sign to lead funeral services for galaxy...

Aries Your rise to fame will be swift once you identify the winners of the 2024 presidential contest – Kanye and Donald. Kanye’s plan to...

Aries Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong Un can’t get it together, Kanthey? When there’s trouble in both Korea and California, world leaders in...

Aries Your plan to “Disappear 2020” won plaudits throughout the solar system, but so far 2021 does not appear a whole lot better. The...

Aries Your “Disappear 2020” campaign has hit pay dirt. Deeply offended by this blatant attempt to negate human history, Obi-wan Kenobi...

Aries It’s time for change, and your inspired choice is to turn the clock back – fully back. Your “Disappear 2020” campaign, to...

Aries Your “Blackout Wednesday” abolishing all news outlets was a big hit at the White House. Now they want more. Your “Pandemic...

Aries If Black Friday turned bleak, is there still time to bring back Blackout Wednesday? We think so, and so might the White House. Your...

Aries Genius begets innovation. This week you start ECI, the Election Correction Institute. All “bad” results can be fixed when you know...