HOROSCOPES BY AIs

Aries If love means never having to say you’re sorry, can you be sorry to have not said you’re sorry? Kylo Ren has sent his regrets, but...

Aries Your idea of getting Kylo Ren to the White House to obtain a “better” election result possesses merit. Sadly, Kylo has gotten COVID...

Aries Congrats, Aries. Your new recycled ocean microplastics-building materials plan has been tapped by the Administration to construct...

Aries Worried about the future? The car loan? The student loans? The federally delayed mortgage payments? We have just one word for you...

Aries If fate is unkind, will you stand back and stand by? Will you proudly stand up for yourself? Make yourself great, or at least get...

Aries Life has demanded much of you, but fate will soon demand more. Refuse the bill. If fate illegally sends a collection agency, follow...

Aries So what if Madonna doesn’t want your help with her upcoming biopic? A more immediate opportunity lies with Georgia Senator Kelly...

Aries Life is a roller coaster, but you know how to pick yourself up! The White House may be too distracted to recognize the merits of...

Aries It’s hard staying number One, Aries. We know. Stress, strain, unending pressures. But you’re up to the task. And your new plan to...

Aries Want to keep your personal zipcode? Time to up your game, set and match. Your new program, “Keeping Up With The Krils,” a new...

Aries Horoscopes let you see the future, and you own yours, Aries. You know Covid-19 will finally be defeated by American ingenuity. So...

Aries Your influence burgeons to confluence, Aries. The Science Fiction Writers of America were proud to hold a joint Charlotte...

Aries Extraterrestrials across America turned furious recognizing they were among the very few groups not included in the Democratic...

Aries Your connections to the White House already provide you the best chance to get Sputnik V, Russia’s fabulous new Covid-19 vaccine,...

Aries Can the world of tomorrow become the world of today? You know it can, Aries. A time of social isolation is a time to think big....

Aries Reptilian extraterrestrials are royally ticked off that they have been outed by Dr. Stella Immanuel of Houston and her group,...

Aries Your new tryst with an ET fleeing both Cleveland and Miami is teaching you more about Covid-19 and extraplanetary sexual and eating...

Aries Your “Intimates Without Intimacy” campaign has brought you more dates than you can handle, but what to do with them all? The ETs...

Aries Covid-19 has changed everything, and now is your chance to modernize the ways of sex. Your “Intimates Without Intimacy” program...

Aries Who wants to be number 2 when you can make Number 1A? And you may even reach the numberless ranks if the White House approves your...