HOROSCOPES BY AIs

Aries Feeling a strange presence pulling at the back of the your neck? Is it the beckoning of the past, or the reckoning of the future?...

Aries The sun may be in your house, Aries, but don’t be eclipsed by eclipses. And the earth house of the White House is again open to...

Aries You’re still Numero Uno, especially when in the realm of new ideas. Politicians of many stripes are getting behind your invitation...

Aries So your incorporation of the Church of the Zombie Apocalypse got IRS attention? Never fear – the agency admits that thousands of...

Aries You’re still the flavor of the month, the taste of the decade, and the sensation of the second, Aries. This week it’s time to go...

Aries Staying at the edge of the tippy top is hard, but you’ve got the guts, stamina, fortitude and effrontery stay on top, Aries. ...

Aries That new black hole close by in our galactic delta sector keeps getting bigger, as does your burgeoning reputation. Remember Aries...

Aries The appearance of a nascent black hole inside our very own galaxy forecasts a special week for you, Aries. You might reinaugurate...

Aries Good try, Aries. Sadly, Martin Shkreli will not be named national Covid-19 drug development czar. But Pharma Bro appreciates your...

Aries You’re not just on the tip of the top of the edge of the cliff, Aries, you’re flying above the fray. Your idea to make Martin...

Aries Getting to the top of the cliff without falling off is raising your profile, Ares. Your work on public health analysis a la Dr....

Aries You’re still on top, Aries, just not the top rung of the top ladder on the top cliff. But this week represents a new opportunity...

Aries Everyone knows you are the Big Kahuna, but you might want to forestall your new product “Coronacookies for Kids” with the special...

Aries Your online plans for a hip hop, animated version of “Throw Momma From the Train” is already a hit. You will be nominated soon for...

Aries Your awesomeness achieves international significance when Good Housekeeping offers you an online column on political investing....

Aries Your media moment as practical visionary will this week test the heights of your personal apotheosis. A piece you will write on...

Aries Your plan for “pre-need” presidential pardons is a huge hit in Washington; Roger Stone has already sent his fan rave. But this is...

Aries You’ve done it again, Aries. Your new plan for “pre-need” presidential and gubernatorial pardons has set everyone in the reviving...

Aries The week will start quietly but end deliciously when one of Jeff Bezos’ staffers asks you for help with the tycoon’s legal and...

Aries Your awesomeness will now extract a price, which you have not yet paid. Prepare for your no-holds-barred National Inquirer...